


This is how it goes (the One Day At A Time remix)

by Jadesfire



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: After Ultron, Break Up, F/M, Post-Civil War, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-30
Updated: 2016-07-30
Packaged: 2018-07-10 23:58:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7013878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jadesfire/pseuds/Jadesfire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes, things just don't work out. With neither a bang nor a whimper, and it would be so much easier if Pepper could just tell herself that it's Tony's fault (or Steve's. Or the Avengers'). Which it totally is, apart from in all the ways that it isn't, because sometimes, that's just how it goes. And she probably should have known better herself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	This is how it goes (the One Day At A Time remix)

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Tenuous Connections](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6855184) by [Neverever](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Neverever/pseuds/Neverever). 



Sokovia was awful. New York had been bad, between the death and destruction and the great gaping black hole she knew Tony saw every time he closed his eyes. But Sokovia? Ultron? That was a whole new level of awful, even for Tony. 

He stopped by the living room long enough for a kiss on the cheek and a smile that was less convincing than normal. Then he locked himself in the Tower workshop for nineteen days straight. Without Jarvis, Pepper had no way to break in, no one to persuade into breaking Tony's rules for his own good. In the days after New York, she would have banged on the door until he let her in. In the days after Extremis, she would have burned her way through. Now, after Ultron, she just stared at the closed door for a full minute before turning and walking away, her heels echoing in the empty corridor.

* * *

** Day 94 AU (After Ultron) **

"Fancy a day trip?"

The full board is next week, and for some reason, Pepper thought it would be easier to tackle the papers on actual paper. She's not Tony. Sometimes she needs things to hold, write on, screw into balls and throw across the room. The result looks like the apocalypse happened in the local copy shop and she may never dig her way out. On the plus side, she hits the trash can nine times out of ten now.

"What?"

"A day trip. I'm going over to the Avengers HQ, taking them some new toys. Thought you might like to come with, maybe make a weekend of it."

"If it's a weekend, how is it a day trip? Also, it's Tuesday."

"Really?" Tony actually glances at the phone in his hand, and she realises he's actually having to check. "How about that. Anyway, you can bring all of that with you if you want, although we might need a bigger plane."

"So I'm supposed to just drop everything-"

"No, don't do that. The floor can't take it."

"-and come halfway across the country with you on a whim-"

"Not a whim, a plane. They fly better."

"-just because you think it might be fun."

"I thought it might be fun for us."

He's trying to ask her out on a date, she realises belatedly. He's got a tiny model of the Falcon wings in one hand, his phone in the other and he looks about twelve years old, asking a girl to the prom for the first time. And really, when did they actually last have a proper date? Before Ultron? Before Extremis? She doens't even know any more.

Some of that must show in her face, because he drops onto the couch next to her, actually putting both phone and model down to take her hand in his, which counts for something, she supposes. 

"Come with me, Pepper. I'll be working too, so you'll have lots of time to play with your pieces of paper-"

"Play?" She pulls her hand away, faster than she meant to, but more controlled than she feels. "Is that what you think I'm doing here, Tony? Playing?" Looking down, she picks up the tiny model, already seeing the improvements. He's brilliant, there's no denying it, and she's sure Sam will be very grateful. Lucky Sam. "Playing's your job. I'm trying to make sure you still have the money to do it with." 

It takes a good deal of self-control to press the tiny model into his chest instead of throw it at his head. After a moment of pressure, he lifts a hand to take it from her, and she turns away, picking up a pile of papers and tapping them on the table to neaten the stack. She's angry enough to be worried that just looking at them too hard will make them burst into flames. 

"I didn't mean-"

"I know what you meant." She knows all too well, but that doesn't change the fact that he said it. And she doesn't entirely know why it makes her so angry, except that he's been locked in that workshop on and off for the last three months, blowing off meetings, dates, dinners and more or less every kind of conversation, when she's been up here dealing with the board, the shareholders, the stock price, the future of the company, the mess he's left behind and the mess Extremis left behind.

Okay, so she does know why she's angry. Probably.

"Not this time, Tony," she says. It's firm rather than furious, which she takes as a personal victory. The couch shifts as he gets up, and she hears him take a few steps away. Somehow his silence manages to get to her as well, and she turns just enough to see him out of the corner of her eye. "Fly safely," she says. 

"I always try."

She's learned not to let things go on an angry word that they'll both regret, so she turns a little further, trying for a smile that she suspects comes out a little forced. "I'll see you when you get back, and when the meeting's over."

"Sure." He hesitates, then comes back over, leaning down to kiss her. It's not a complete surprise, and at first Pepper lets him, then when he doesn't give up, she softens a little further, putting aside some of the anger to kiss him back. It was a lot simpler when they first started, when all they had to deal with were crazed enemies building super-suits to try and kill them both. Not something she thought she'd be nostalgic for.

When he finally pulls away, he only goes far enough to press his forehead against hers. "Come with me," he whispers, breath warm on her lips.

And she really wants to. But she's still holding the papers, which are a little crumpled now, but still need dealing with.

"I can't," she whispers back, and kisses him lightly again. "Come home soon."

She feels a brush against her eyelids and knows he's opened his eyes. She keeps hers closed. 

"Day trip," he says. And he's gone, leaving her with a room full of a papers and no one to talk to but a personality-free AI and the food delivery guy that her secretary sends, on the basis that she'll forget to eat otherwise. It's not much for company, really.

* * *

** Day 1 After Pepper (AP) **

One day, Tony will figure out how Rhodey does it. He'd have sworn that he didn't do anything different, speeding up the long drive and skidding to a stop just like always. Apparently Rhodey's spending too long in the suit these days, and can read mechanical body language, because he's intercepted Tony before he can reach the main Avengers building.

"You're an idiot," he says, which isn't a usual greeting between them, to be fair.

"Funny, I thought that suit you're wearing meant that I'm a genius."

For answer, Rhodey retracts the suit and steps out of it, getting close enough that with anyone else, Tony would be taking at least four steps backwards. 

"What happened?"

Somehow, that's worse. Rhodey will know that it was Tony's fault because it's always Tony's fault, except for the times that he can find someone else to blame. But Rhodey didn't ask what Tony said, didn't ask what idiot thing he did or didn't do this time. He actually looks sympathetic and that won't do. That won't do at all.

"Stuff," Tony says, pulling his sunglasses off to squint at Rhodey in the bright sunshine. Yes. The sunshine. That's the problem. "Stuff happened. Always does. Loki happened. New York happened. Extremis, the Mandarin, Sokovia. You know."

"Stuff."

"The Avengers." The grimace isn't nearly a smile, not even a half-decent impression of one, and yeah, Tony's still blaming the sunshine. "Guess I just can't give you guys up."

"Don't do that, Tony. Don't put this on us." Shaking his head, Rhodey folds his arms, thinks better of it, puts his hands on his hips, then gives up, running one hand over his head. "Dammit, Tony."

"Yeah."

They stand in the sunshine, Rhodey shaking his head, and Tony trying not to copy him. Because he thinks he left half himself back in Stark Tower, and the rest of him isn't sure how to go on without it. 

"Come on," Rhodey says, pulling at Tony's arm until he follows. "Nat keeps enough vodka in the freezer to put a dent even in your notorious sobriety. And when we're finished with that, Steve thinks I don't know where he keeps his stash of one hundred proof tequila."

"Steve?" The bottom might have fallen out of Tony's world, but apparently he's still not numb enough that he can't be surprised. Vodka should help with that.

"Man can't get drunk. Guess he can only really taste the good stuff."

"How good are we talking?"

Rhodey wraps an arm around Tony's shoulder, and just for a second, the world swims. But Tony's damned if he'll let kindness undo him before he gets to the vodka, and just about manages to tune back in as Rhodey says, "You weren't that fond of your liver, were you?"

That'll do.

* * *

** Day 122 AU **

It's always good to know your competition, and even Pepper will admit that the Avengers new HQ is impressive. Tony outdid himself in training facilities, living quarters, the latest equipment for everything from the gym to the kitchen. She knows that there's not a gadget, piece of furniture or screw in this building that he didn't personally approve. Despite herself, she's proud.

It's not exactly a surprise that Natasha comes up beside her silently, and Pepper doesn't jump. 

"Thought you might like a coffee." 

"Thanks." A cautious sip reveals, of course, that it's made just right. The AI probably knows Pepper's preferences, because they're Tony's as well. 

"Sam and Rhodey seem pretty pleased with their upgrades." Natasha has her own cup of coffee, lifted close enough to her face to hide most of her expression. "As am I. Although you can tell Tony that if he asks any more questions about what I prefer to wear under my suit, he'd better be wearing the armor next time I see him."

"Noted." They exchange a smile, and for a moment, it's conspiratorial. Except Pepper trusts Natasha about as far as she can throw the armor. They worked together for a couple of weeks, and that was enough to make Pepper respect 'Natalie's' discretion and efficiency. She has no illusions about Natasha.

The thing is, though, Natasha's easy to talk to. She's friendly and interested and sympathetic and all the things a really good spy has to be. And it's not like Pepper will be saying anything they don't both already know.

She turns back to the training room, where Rhodey and Tony are sparring, putting the two suits through their paces. From what she can see, the upgrades are good, no glitches so far and Rhodey doesn't seem to be having any problems with the manoeuvrability.

"They're both good," Natasha says, leaning on the wall next to Pepper. "Although Tony's a little out of practice."

"I don't let him use the suit at home," Pepper says. "Makes too much of a mess."

"Also, he's supposed to be retired."

"Yes. That too."

They both glance over their shoulders to where Clint is glaring at a computer screen as though it has personally offended him. Pepper shrugs. "I guess Avengers aren't very good at standing down."

"It's hard to give up." Natasha's tone is level and contained, and Pepper can't tell if it's disapproving or not, and if it is, who she disapproves of. "And it's not like we can't use the help. There's too much information out there now for any one person to go through. Some of Tony's data-scraping programs have been life-savers. Literally."

"That's good to hear." Turning back to the training room, Pepper tries not to bite her lip as Tony and Rhodey circle each other, coming so close to collision that she catches herself holding her breath. When she glances over, she sees that Natasha's look is more calculating, more thoughtful. She decides to take the bait. "You don't think he should be here, do you?"

"I didn't say that." Mirroring Pepper, Natasha puts down her coffee and leans both elbows on the wall, visibly weighing her words. "I just don't know that it's good for the team to have Tony dropping in and out like this. We're running missions, and we need to work together. We need to know each other."

"You know him." 

"Not in the field, we don't. And out there, it's the thing you don't know that kills you." There's an edge to Natasha's voice that Pepper doesn't think even she could fake. Actually, she probably could, but instinct says she isn't. 

"You're trying to protect the team."

"I'm trying to protect all of us." This time, Natasha turns to face Pepper, making the eye contact that she normally avoids. "Including Tony."

Because they both know what getting one of his teammates killed would do to him. It's strange that that scares Pepper far more than the prospect of him getting hurt himself.

She squares her shoulders, knowing how Natasha will read the gesture and not really caring. "Are you saying you want him to go away?" 

"I'm saying that in the end, he's going to have to make a decision. And live with the consequences."

She's trying to forewarn me, Pepper realises, her back so stiff it hurts, but if she relaxes now, she doesn't know if she can stay on her feet. She's trying to tell me where this is going. She thinks I don't know. 

"There are always consequences," Pepper says tightly, letting some of her anger into her voice, the distant flame that seems to be coming closer every day at the moment. 

Somehow, the nod of understanding that she gets in return helps her to regain her calm, as though the tiny gesture of respect is enough to bolster her courage. Maybe it is. 

She returns the nod and they both turn back to the training room as Tony and Rhodey come in to land, quickly joined by Sam who was obviously feeling left out. The three of them break into a hopelessly technical discussion that Pepper can't follow, so she picks up her coffee again, glad that it hasn't gone too cold. Beside her, Natasha leans in, their shoulders touching, just enough for comfort.

* * *

** 3 days AP **

Steve never does find out why Tony Stark is passed out on the couch in the Avengers living room. He comes in just in time to find Vision leaning over the unconscious man.

"Is he okay?" Steve asks, only remembering when Vision straightens up that he probably knows more about Tony Stark than anyone else on the planet.

"I believe so. Although if I might make a suggestion, Captain Rogers, you might want to hide your tequila better in the future. Colonel Rhodes is quite perceptive." He hands Steve the empty bottle. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I believe I can deal with this situation."

Without apparent effort, Vision bends and lifts Tony into his arms, cradling him so that his head is supported, even if his arm is dangling at an awkward angle. Vision starts towards the door, hesitating for a moment as he passes Steve.

"I believe the lake will be a most appropriate temperature at this time of day."

And then he's gone, leaving Steve with a room full of empty bottles, the smell of alcohol and the sound of snores that he eventually tracks down to Rhodey, who's somehow managed to wedge himself underneath the couch. Lifting it off him, then dragging Rhodey to his feet, Steve makes himself a promise that he isn't even going to ask.

* * *

** Day 212 AU **

It might only have happened once, but Pepper always braces herself when she gets home near a holiday, just in case there's a giant, inappropriate gift waiting for her in the hall. To her considerable surprise this time, all she finds was Tony, standing next to the elevator doors, reading something on his phone.

He puts it away as soon as he sees her, smiling a little as he presses the button to call the elevator.

"How was your trip?"

"Fine, thank you." Pepper lets him take her bag and kiss her on the cheek, although she isn't ready to relax just yet. With Tony, you never knew when the giant bunny might appear. "Did you behave while I was away?"

"Did you see the papers?"

"All of them."

"Was I in them?"

"Not yet."

Tony presses a hand to where the arc reactor used to be. "I'm hurt that you don't think you can go away for even three days without me getting into trouble."

"You are trouble, Tony. you don't have to go looking for it."

He grins as they step into the elevator. "That's not entirely unfair. But I promise, this time, I did nothing. I stayed in, I talked to the Avengers online only, I redesigned the quinjet again and I played some pool."

"We don't have a pool table."

"Okay, so I might have done some shopping as well. But they delivered it very carefully and didn't even scratch the walls. And it's not like we don't have room."

That's true enough. Pepper steps out into the living room of the Tower, suddenly feeling the space opening up around her. Other floors of the tower are taken up with offices, R&D labs and various conference facilities. She and Tony don't really have more space here than they'd had in Malibu, yet somehow, it feels cavernous after her three days in an LA hotel room. 

"Do you want a drink?"

When she says yes, Tony's face lights up with such a genuine smile that Pepper is simultaneously melted and deeply suspicious. Like puppies and small children, Tony is usually at his most winning when he has bad news to share.

"What did you do?" she asks, dropping onto the couch and pulling off her shoes. 

He gives her a wounded look, which is quickly replaced by a smile and a shrug. "Actually nothing, believe it or not, and if I was a different kind of person, I'd go on denying everything for much, much longer just to watch you get more and more suspicious." He comes around from behind the bar, a drink in each hand. "But honestly, there's nothing."

She's leaning towards believing him, and takes her drink without asking again, although he stays standing, just out of arm's reach. He still makes a really good martini, and after all this time, he knows how she likes it. The fact that nine times out of ten he forgets and makes them to his taste can almost be forgiven when he makes one this good. Almost.

"Well," she says, into the slightly awkward silence, "I'm glad you behaved yourself while I was away."

"I'd like to behave myself while you're here." It's no more suggestive than usual, but there's an undercurrent to it that she can't quite place for a moment. She hasn't heard him this serious in a long time.

Tossing back his drink like it's his last, Tony rolls the stem of the glass between his palms, obviously working up to something. As much as she'd like to ask, Pepper just watches him, too tired from her trip, from work and from the last six months to help him out. 

Eventually he swings around, looking at her properly at last. "I know things have been pretty lousy around here for you lately. That the Avengers have been taking up a lot - too much - of my time. And that I meant what I said. I want to do better."

He stops, and although she knows what that would have cost him to say, she's not entirely sure what she's supposed to say in reply. Tony, despite appearances, is neither stupid nor oblivious. He will have noticed how many of her things will have moved to the new place in California. That she's spending more of her time overseeing the new Tower than she does in the old one. That she's stopped taking 'day trips' out to the Avengers facility with him. 

She's not stupid either, and she knows what he's asking, even if he can't get the words around the question properly. And because she loves him, even now, she finishes her own drink and holds out her hand.

"Come here," she says, taking both their glasses and putting them well out of reach before pulling him to her. It's a bad idea, right here and now, probably. He needs an answer, not comfort. And she needs to decide. 

But maybe not yet.

* * *

** Day 75 AP **

Steve Rogers is a disturbingly good administrator. For Tony, who has never really mastered getting even digital files properly labelled - he has a Girl Friday for a reason - the order and calm in Steve's office is unsettling. He wants to rearrange some of the pens, or maybe a piece of paper or two. Just enough to break the rigid symmetry of Steve's desk.

Possibly misinterpreting Tony's unease, Steve looks up from the report and apologises. "I can read this later."

"No, it's fine." Unable to resist any more, Tony reaches out and picks up one of Steve's distressingly shiny pens. He decides he doesn't care if he leaves it covered in smudged fingerprints. "I wanted to talk to you about it anyway."

"You think it's a good idea?"

"I think it's the best lead we've had on Rumlow for a long time and at least some of you should go check it out."

"Might be best to let Nat have a go at it first. She has her own methods."

"She'll need back up, though, and no offence, Cap, but you don't exactly blend into a crowd."

"I blend better than Vision, and Wanda hasn't had the experience yet. Still, maybe I'll let Sam or Rhodey go. It'd be good practice for them."

"Send Sam," Tony says, twirling the pen around his fingers. "He did pretty well with you and Nat over the whole Hydra thing. The three of you are a good team."

"We're all a team." There's something about the way he says it that makes Tony look up at last. The Steve Rogers he has these meetings with, the one he throws ideas around with, who makes requests for equipment and always expects Tony to live up to his promises, this isn't the Captain America from his father's stories. This isn't the man he grew up hating, but it's not someone he knows, either. And he's not sure he likes being challenged by this Steve Rogers.

"I'm just a consultant. And the financial backer, although strictly speaking that's Pepper nowadays I suppose." He's proud of how he manages to get through the sentence so casually. Steve is distracted enough by the report that Tony doubts he would have noticed anyway. 

"You're still an Avenger, Tony. That doesn't always mean blowing stuff up."

"Aw, Cap, you spoil all my fun."

They exchange a smile, and for a second this is easy, Tony can totally do this. He can be a sideline Avenger. He can spar with Rhodey and Sam from time to time. He can handle the paperwork - which surprises him, but apparently a reading speed of eleven hundred words a minute and 100% comprehension has its uses - and he gets to keep making all the gadgets he like, with a team full of human guinea pigs ready and willing to test them. 

As Steve leans forward, report in hand, keen to start the mission planning, Tony tells himself that he's doing this for the good of the team. That he can keep himself busy. That what he's doing is important. 

Ironically, all of that's true, of course. But it would be even better if he didn't have to keep reminding himself of it.

* * *

** Day 261 AU **

It's been coming for so long and it happens so fast that neither of them know who says it first, and then they're both speaking at once.

"It's not that I don't-"

"I really didn't-"

"I don't want you to think-"

"I don't think-"

They're circling each other, neither quite willing to reach out, but neither wanting to get too far away. Tony can't stay still, and Pepper needs some distance if she's going to get through this. They stop at the same time, Tony silhouetted against the New York cityscape behind him. It's nearly dark, but the lights in the living room haven't come up fully yet. 

Pepper takes a deep breath in the moment of silence. "I'm sorry, Tony."

"Me too."

It should unsettle her, how quiet he is. Even with from how far away he will have seen this coming, she'd expected more. More words, more argument, more anger. His acceptance is unnerving. She doesn't know if she's angry at him for not wanting to argue about this, or just relieve that she won't have to fight him on it. 

"Will you go to LA?" he asks, and she wishes she could see his face.

She nods. "The Tower is nearly finished there. I'll be able to oversee the topping out, make sure everything's done properly."

"Good."

They stand there long enough that the lights come on properly, and Pepper wishes they wouldn't. It turns out she doesn't want to see his face after all. 

At last, she bends and picks up her bag from the couch. "I'm going to catch the red eye tonight."

"Okay."

She hesitates, then says, "I just think we need a break, Tony. Work out if we can do this."

"Right. A break."

That helps. His passivity, the way he echoes her words with a bitterness that sounds accusing, as though she hadn't done everything she could, at every moment. That makes her angry enough that she can cross the room, kiss his cheek, then turn and walk away. The elevator is waiting for her, and when she gets in, she looks back across the room, trying not to let the image sear itself into her head. Tony has his back to her, staring out at the city below, his shoulders hunched and hands in his pocket. In the corner of the room, the Mark One Suit gleams in the newly-raised lights, and she tries not to look at it. It's not the suit's fault. It's not even Tony's fault, not really. She knew who he was, and she knew who she was, or at least she used to.

The elevator doors close, and Pepper is suddenly looking only at her own reflection, which stares back at her with more composure than she feels. Maybe she can do this after all.

* * *

** Day 94 AP **

So far, the visit to Camp Avenger is going well. Steve is glad enough to show Tony around, Sam and Wanda are obviously enjoying themselves, and the new gear is holding up like it's supposed to. Without Rhodey here, Tony feels freer somehow. No one here is going to see through the shiny glasses and shinier smile.

Well, no one but Natasha, probably. She pointedly closes down her screen when Steve and Tony come in, and Tony knows from her face that she knows. And that she knows that he knows that she knows. The woman does riddles wrapped in enigmas better than anyone Tony's ever met, and it makes his head hurt to try to think about it too much. 

Better to dazzle them with banter, to be the Tony Stark they expect, all quips and casual genius. Clint knows that something's going on, because he knows Natasha as well as anyone, but hopefully he won't know exactly what it is. Tony's not ready for sympathy yet.

Clint returns Steve's greeting with a grin. "Hey, it's old home week."

"Get tired of knocking down the old one?" Tony asks.

"Well, the baby's going to need his own room eventually. Time to start building again, I reckon."

"You're going to have more rooms than Stark Tower at this rate."

"Not if I keep having to come in to help you guys out, I'm not." Clint shrugs, and Tony grins.

"I'm still working that avatar, sorry, but the ears are giving me trouble."

That makes everyone but Steve grin, and Tony realises belatedly that it was the wrong sort of joke to make. He's going to have to make more of an effort, clearly, if he's going to do this. Natasha and Clint are both watching him too closely, and he's aware that Sam and Wanda have wandered in from their practice, probably just to say hello. It's what people do when they're not thoughtless idiots who drive the best things in their lives away.

Pulling himself back to the present, Tony tries for casual, "Well, if you're a man down, maybe I should join you on the next mission. Just for practice."

And that's a casual fail, clearly, because Natasha looks sceptical. Or maybe she just doesn't like him. Either's possible. "Better to practice here than in the field."

Tony answers her, he's sure, but he's got his attention on Steve. Whatever happens, it'll be up to him, and Tony knows he needs to make a good impression. He needs this. 

Apparently agreeing with him, Natasha says, "It's Steve's call. He's team leader."

Steve's answer doesn't come soon enough for Tony's comfort. It comes with a narrow-eyed look at Natasha, and an equally calculating one at Tony, who suddenly doesn't feel as sure that this was a good idea after all. On the other hand, this is the last thing he has to lose. It's worth the risk.

"Sure, we can work Tony back on to the team, if he wants to."

Relief makes Tony bold, slapping Steve on the back and giving Natasha something that might have been a smug look. He's going to do this after all. He's going to be an Avenger, and he's going to find a way to balance it with Stark Industries and he's going to be the better man that Pepper needs him to be. He's going to be Tony Stark.

"Great," he says. "We should have a party."

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was remixed into [Not the One to Praise](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7186082) by Genarti as part of the [MCU Rolling Remix](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/MCURollingRemix2016/profile)


End file.
